Together with my brother Charlie, I staggered my way through adolescence from one drama to the next until finally, after years of trying, we had This Country commissioned by the BBC. By sharing tales of how I accidentally auditioned to be a pole-dancer to being catfished by a one-armed internet boyfriend, I answer all of life's great mysteries:Could I count wall plaster as one of my five-a-day?

Would I find the afterlife in the back of a shitty pub?Who dropped the monster turd at the fake audition?And just how much of a humiliating, ridiculous, screw-up of a s**t-storm life did I need to lead before I could finally realise my dream?