Miss Hayes has a new theory. She thinks my condition's caused by some traumatic incident from my past I keep deep-rooted in my mind. As soon as I come clean I'll flood out all these tears and it'll all be ok and I won't be scared of Them anymore.

The truth is I can't think of any single traumatic childhood incident to tell her. I mean, there are plenty of bad memories - Herb's death, or the time I bit the hole in my tongue, or Finners Island, out on the boat with Sarah - but none of these are what caused the phobia. I've always had it.

It's Them. I'm just scared of Them. It's that simple.

For fans of Sarah Winman, Junot Diaz and Maria Semple

'A darkly quirky story of love, obsession and fear ...a beautiful story hung around the enchanting and heartbreaking voice of teenager Greg' Anna James